I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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