I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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