If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
