I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize