Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
