She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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