I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
