I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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