D3 body, D1 cock
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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