Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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