Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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