A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
