I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize