Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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