i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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