That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My bed smells like the plague
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
