Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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