Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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