I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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