I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
