i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's Friday. Sex?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
