my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
