I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
