i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
