I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So apparently I’m into choking now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
