wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm really busy with my period
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