he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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