Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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