maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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