Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
