I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
