I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
