I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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