One girl and one boy is just not enough.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
