Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
only you would photoshop your dick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
