why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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