its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
