I think I am morally bankrupt
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
