You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
