Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
