i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
