Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
