I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
