I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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