don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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