drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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