We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
