I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
