It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
