You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
