Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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