what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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