life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
