somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
