I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
