i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
