I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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