I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
