I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
