i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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