That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
