I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
