how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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