he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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