C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
