life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
