He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a hot homeless man
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
