I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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