The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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