your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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