I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have fence marks all over my body
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
