Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
