me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
