thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
