Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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