I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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