glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Even my vagina gasped.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
