Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she peed on how many people?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
